


He Never Stopped Loving Me

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M, hurt-comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-12-09
Updated: 2001-12-09
Packaged: 2017-11-01 08:57:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Superman makes a shocking discovery in his final moments with his arch-nemesis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He Never Stopped Loving Me

## He Never Stopped Loving Me

by Lunar Plutonian

[]()

* * *

**HE NEVER STOPPED LOVING ME**

Clad in her trademark red boots and a high-tech blue warm-suit, Wonder Woman bounded at incredible speeds over desolate fields of snow and boulders of ice. At the North Pole, there appeared to be nothing but endless snow and ice and nowhere to go, but the Amazon princess knew exactly where she was going. After all, she had been the only other superhero to whom Superman (whom she preferred to call by his given name, Clark) had taken to his Fortress of Solitude, four years ago when they had been working together to foil another one of Lex Luthor's infernal plots. 

Lex Luthor, who was now dead by Clark's hand, along with General Zod. And Clark hadn't been sighted anywhere for a week after stopping and finally killing his life-long enemy. She might have waited longer before checking up on Clark, but Wonder Woman had been one of the few people Clark had told about his past with Lex Luthor. Had been one of the few people to whom Clark had divulged the secret that Lex Luthor had once been the apple of his eye, his devoted boyfriend. Clark hadn't even told Lois Lane, who would probably one day be his wife. 

It just wasn't like Clark to be emotionally flattened by anything. But her intuition was telling her that was exactly what happened. It wasn't long before Wonder Woman, whom Clark called by her given name, Diana, was standing before Clark's Fortress. "CLARK!!" she called out as loudly as she could manage, and did so three more times. 

After about five minutes, Clark emerged on the roof of the Fortress wearing his usual "Superman" outfit. (Few people knew how many years it had taken Clark to get used to having been christened "Superman" by the public!) "Go away, Diana!" he called down to her. "I just want to be left alone!" 

"The hell you do! You need to talk to someone right now, and that's what I'm here for!" 

"I'm not letting you in!" 

"My AE suit is keeping me plenty warm, and I brought a nice, big book to read, so I'm just going to stay out here until you come to your senses!" 

"What Ever!" Clark shouted out petulantly before going back into the Fortress. 

Diana took her book out of her backpack. This was probably going to take a while. 

* * *

Clark simply could not believe Diana's temerity. Just because he had brought her here that one time to stop Lex Luthor certainly did NOT mean she had some kind of standing invitation! 

Oh Jesus, not again! Clark thought as the renewed thought of Lex sent tears streaming down his face. This was just crazy. There was no doubt in his mind that Lois was the one he loved and the one with whom he would spend the rest of HER life (his own researches into his biological nature in this yellow-sun system indicated he would live for anything to 1,000 to 10,000 years). But after everything that had happened between himself and Lex, Clark had been convinced for twenty-six years that he had HATED his former boyfriend with the passion of a thousand white-hot stars. And now here Clark was grieving for the man who had betrayed him, had broken his heart, and had almost destroyed the entire world once and had attempted to enslave that same world several times more. 

What would his adoring public think, the big, strong, and perfect Superman bawling as if he were a small child over his vanquished and dead arch-nemesis? Quite frankly, Clark figured as long as they didn't know, he didn't really give a rat's ass. But Diana knew. And Diana understood. Clark looked at the monitor-feed from the exterior visual sensor and saw Diana sitting on the icy ground with her back propped up against the front wall of the Fortress reading a paperback novel. He zipped down to the front door in a blur of super-speed. He told himself it was to tell that nosey Amazon off but good. 

* * *

The huge door to the Fortress creeked open. Diana returned her book to her backpack and stood to face Clark, who was glowering at her accusingly. 

"Who the hell do you think you are?!" Clark growled. 

"I'm your friend, Clark, and you really need a friend right now. And don't think I don't see how RED your eyes are, and it's not from any kryptonite!" 

Clark's glower suddenly disappeared, and he looked away. "What about it?" 

Though Diana was far more partial to women, she still thought Clark could be awfully cute when he was trying to be petulant. "Like I said, you need someone to talk to right now." 

Clark relented and brought her into the Fortress of Solitude. Though Clark could withstand any temperature, he preferred human norms, so once inside, Diana pulled down the tight hood on her AE suit. Clark led her into the huge control room of his private place. On the far wall was a leather reading couch with a table piled with various scientific texts in front of it. Clark motioned for Diana to sit down, but remained standing himself. 

"I don't really see what there is to talk about," Clark said as he gazed at the console of his security system distractedly. 

"Oh, for the love of the Goddess, Clark, you don't have to be 'Superman' with me." 

"Why not? Isn't that what I'm supposed to be? Everywhere and all the time?" 

"What you're supposed to be is human. And though you may not be from this planet, you're one of the most human beings I've ever known." 

A tear streamed down Clark's face and dripped down onto his costume, leaving a wet streak down across the famous "S" symbol. "Diana, stop it!" 

"You and Lex Luthor never really stopped loving each other, did you? Even when you hated each other." 

Clark's tears came on hard and fast, his body wracked with sobs. Diana's unfailing intuition told her how utterly Clark hated anyone to see him like this. Men! Diana thought with no small amount of frustration. 

"So are you going to tell me what happened between you and Lex Luthor in his final moments in this world?" Diana asked after Clark's crying jag subsided somewhat. 

Clark sat down next to her and began to relate the tale with hollow, haunted eyes. 

* * *

The year was 2032. The world pretty much knew that Clark Kent was Superman, and that was fine with Clark. At the beginning of his "superhero" career, Clark had considered wearing a mask and having a secret identity the way Batman and the Flash always had done, but his abilities were so unique, he had always known he could pull off not having a secret identity. In his everyday life, he was still Clark Kent, star-reporter for The Daily Planet. The newspaper's editor, Perry White, was thrilled to no end to have Superman as one of his ace reporters, but that didn't prevent Perry from giving Clark a piece of his mind on those few occasions Clark had let the old news-hawk down. Clark knew that Perry rather enjoyed the respect and even fear it engendered in the other reporters that their boss was somebody who had the stones to tell off Superman. 

The public in Metropolis regarded Superman as some sort of demigod (Clark had given up trying to get them to stop calling him "Superman" about two years after that had started), and as a consequence, he had to live in the spotlight everywhere he went. It was something that many holovision and movie stars had to live with, but the respect his name inspired at the very least meant that people wouldn't mob him wherever he went. Every now and then a young woman and maybe even a guy would look at him and say something like "Wow, you really ARE so much stunning in person!" Fortunately, that had stop making him blush after the first two dozen times it had happened. 

Another perk of being Superman was that as far as work was concerned, he could get away with disappearing unannounced for days at a time because he was off saving the world from Lex Luthor. But Luthor was now more dangerous than he ever had been previously, because he was now teamed up with General Zod, the Kryptonian maniac who had escaped his imprisonment in the Phantom Zone. General Zod was using his vast scientific knowledge to build a monstrous machine that would alter the ecology of the world in such a way that the vast majority of the world's mammalian population would be killed. When Zod had announced his attention in a broadcast to the General Assembly at the United Nations, he had stated that his goal was to make the world over into his own image, and he was using the vast resources possessed by Lex Luthor to bring his nefarious plan to fruition. 

From his vast and remote Fortress of Solitude, Clark had the ability to tap into any of the world's ground-observation satellites. Zod's machine had just been activated, and a Chinese satellite had pin-pointed the tell-tale red cloud that had begun to form over it in northern India, at the base of the Himalaya Mountain Range. The cloud was spreading much faster than Clark had originally thought it would. He took off into the air from the roof of his Fortress to stop Zod and Luthor. They could very well be ready for him, but he really didn't have any choice. 

Within minutes of flight at supersonic speeds, he was hovering over the destructive red cloud. Zod's base was embedded within the base of Kalpurtha 2, the one Himalayan mountain that almost rivaled Mount Everest in size. Clark used his x-ray vision to find the exact location of the base, and then burrowed into the thick rock of the mountain with all his vast strength. 

The fact that there was only Zod, Luthor, and two of Zod's human Ninjas there indicated how careful the two arch-villains were being to keep the location of their base a secret. General Zod, a large, barrel-chested man with brutally handsome features and wild hair was standing next to Luthor by their the circular control console that dominated the huge room.. 

"Kal-El," Zod said with mock graciousness, "so glad you could join us for this pathetic world's final moment. And YOUR final moment." In a blur that was even faster than anything Clark could match, Zod zipped over to a large particle-beam mounted on a thick tripod. He pointed it at Clark and flipped a switch on the side. Nausea overwhelmed Clark as a green glow enveloped him. It was a green-kryptonite radiation particle-beam that would make even shorter work of him than a simple boulder of kryptonite would. Clark fell to his knees, at the very least thankful he wouldn't have to see the destruction of the world he had fought so long to protect. He knew his agony would be prolonged, because even Kryptonite needed some time to do in the Man of Steel. 

Clark stared accusingly at Luthor, who seemed to be fighting to maintain a dispassionate demeanor. Zod simply walked back over to his control panel and made some adjustments to his weather-machine. "You have only yourself to blame for this, Kal-El. I held out to you the opportunity to join me in my quest, but you slapped my hand away much as a foolish child would. I would have even taken pains to spare the specific humans to whom you have developed this sickening sentimental attachment. But now you will pay the price for your lack of vision. Both you and eventually they will die horribly." Zod leered at Clark, who felt the blackness closing in around him. This was truly the end of Kal-El, son of Jor-El. Clark had let everybody down; that would be his last thought, which was exactly what Zod wanted. Luthor looked away, seeming lost in his own selfish musings. 

Then Clark saw something with his blurring vision that made him wonder if he was hallucinating. Lex's eyes widened as if something had snapped inside him. Lex ran over to the beam and pointed it at Zod. Rage boiling over in his eyes, Zod pulled out his pistol, no doubt displeased at having to resort to the use of human weapons, and fired a shot at Luthor. But because the beam was already making Zod disoriented, the bullet hit Lex in a vital organ somewhat below his heart. Lex! Clark thought, much to his own astonishment. After his boyhood lover had betrayed him, Clark had always called the man "Luthor". Clark grabbed one of the large rocks that his forced entry had generated and knocked the gun from Zod's hands. 

Zod's death-throes were not pretty. The two ninjas, mercenaries that they were, knew that the jig was up as soon as Clark used his heat vision to seal the kryptonite rock in its lead-lined compartment in the beam and permanently disable the device; they fled in a series of acrobatic summersaults out the entry Clark had created. Lex was on the ground, slumped up against the control console he had just deactivated. The bullet had injured him badly enough that nothing could be done for him. As if a second will had overtaken him, Clark ran over to Lex and knelt down beside the dying man. 

"Looks like it's all over, Clark. I activated the self-destruct on the weather-machine." Lex said, a strange detachment on his face as his own endorphins killed the pain of the bullet lodged in him. "You finally got what you wanted. Me dead and the world safe." 

Clark's mind swam with confusion. This wasn't the "Luthor" he had come to hate to bitterly. This was Lex. "You brought this all on yourself, you know." Clark did his best to sound severe. 

Lex just looked away. "Yeah, I did." A single tear streamed down Lex's face. "Clark....I'm so sorry. About everything." 

"Like that's supposed to make me feel better, make me forgive you?!" 

"No, of course not. What should make you feel better is seeing me get what I deserve." Lex's voice took on an earnestness that rattled Clark to his core. This ending wasn't making Clark feel good, not at all. 

"Lex, what happened to you? When we were together, you were making so much progress in becoming a better man. That is, until...." Clark looked away. "All the people you killed, caused to suffer." 

"Oh dear, sweet, nave Clark," Lex said, looking down at the hand stained with his own blood. "Yes, I do have even more of other people's blood on my hands than I now do of my own. But you never noticed all those times I supposedly tried to kill you, how easy I made it for you to escape my little traps?" 

"The thought occurred to me on some level. I guess I just dismissed it because I didn't want to think about it. But Lois and Jimmy...." 

"Same deal with them, angel-boy." Clark flinched at Lex calling him by the pet-name he had used for Clark back when they had been together. "Yes, I threatened them and even held them hostage a few times when I wanted to play with you, and I orchestrated it so that it seemed as if I had come yeigh-close to killing them. But think about it. I was President of the United States, and I was the second one to have to resign, because of the expose Lois Lane did on me. You know me, Clark, better than anyone in this world. Do you think she would still be alive if she weren't...." Lex swallowed and looked away. "....So important to you?" 

Now Clark was almost sure he was hallucinating. The room seemed to spin and tilt even though it really wasn't. "My....my God, you've always loved me? No, that can't be! I can't believe it! You spent eight years in prison because of me!" 

"Yes, the one time you were able to pin something on me, I certainly did. Were it not for my still-formidable power and influence, I would have served the full twenty-five years. As it was, I served that eight years in one of those 'resort-prisons' reserved for offenders from society's elite. Had you been able to pin on me the worst things for which I was responsible, I would have been locked up for life, maybe even executed." 

"Uh-huh, you had your henchman take the fall for you, because they knew full-well the horrible deaths that would greet them if they didn't. I just can't imagine someone such as yourself even being capable of love!" 

"I don't know if it was that meteor-impact that lost me my hair or if it's just because I'm my father's son. I can't help being a diseased maniac, Clark. When you and I were together, I wanted to be good guy so very, very badly." Lex looked pleadingly into Clark's eyes, the way he had that day so long ago when they had bitterly parted ways. "Your adoration and approval were like a drug. I'd do something wrong to accomplish some end that was of benefit to you. You'd find out and get angry. I would bend over backwards to fix whatever harm I had caused and resolved ever more strongly to be somebody you could love and of whom you could be proud." Lex looked away and cracked one of his trademark wry grins. "The make-up sex was just AWESOME!" 

Clark gasped at the recollection. Lex was now fifty-two years old. Had it not been for Lex's access to the most ultra-modern aging treatments and medicine, the years of drugs and alcohol would have likely taken their toll on the aging billionaire even more than they apparently had. 

Lex continued, looking off into the distance. His end was clearly near. "Funny. Right now I'm thinking of that night we stopped the CarBot. How we kissed after we felled the monsters, and how lost I was in the eyes of this beautiful farm-boy for whom I wanted to conquer the entire world and then give it to him in an elegantly wrapped package. I've never been a nice guy as such, but I really think that I became a monster worse than any of those CarBots because there was this Clark-shaped hole in my heart, and if I couldn't conquer the world for him, than I would conquer it to spite him. But that doesn't mean it's your fault. Even now, at the end, it seems as if there was once enough good in me to have eventually become a man who was worthy of you. But not anymore. Not after what I've become and what I've done because of that. That's why I'm glad I'm dying. Because now I can never be that man, and you have Lois Lane. Did I ever tell you that I really have a lot of respect for Lois? Considering the trouble she brought me, I could never really like her, of course, but I always respected her. And right now I'm astonished to find myself very happy for her." 

Clark couldn't believe what was happening. Even though it was far too late for himself and Lex, he wanted to look into Lex's eyes and tell him everything was going to be alright. But it wasn't going to be anything of the sort. "Well," Clark finally said, "you ended your own life to save mine, and you also saved the world from the plan you brought into being." 

"So my career as a villain was as pathetic a failure as my career as a hero. Another thing that serves me right. You should get out of here, invulnerable though you are. The weather-machine's going to blow in about ten minutes, and there's still a kryptonite rock in that beam-weapon." 

Clark's heart was sinking as surely as if it had turned to lead. "After all you've done, Lex, I don't really know if I can say that I forgive you. But I do understand." 

Another tear flowed down Lex's face, but Clark could see it was a tear of joy. He and Lex couldn't really be okay with one another as such, but in Lex's final moments, they were as close to being okay as the situation allowed. Once again, Clark was the gawky, awkward teenager in awe of the worldly, sophisticated cad who could refuse the angel of his heart nothing. A black void of sorrow consumed Clark's entire being. 

"I love you, Clark. More than anything." 

"I love you, too, Lex." Clark's breathing became labored. He couldn't believe what he had just said! And he knew he meant it because he never, ever said anything he didn't mean. Not even accidentally. He could believe even less how it warmed his heart so see the utter peace settle on Lex's face as Lex quietly slipped away into oblivion. 

A volcano of sheer horror and despair rumbled deep inside the Man of Steel. All the glass in the control room shattered as it erupted in an impossibly reverberating shout of his former lover's name. "LLLLEH-EH-EH-EHXXXX!!!!" 

Clark took off into the skies above northern India through the entrance he had made. Sure enough, ten minutes away from Kalpurtha 2, the mountain exploded in an overwhelming KAH-THOOOOM! The shock wave sent Clark hurtling for miles. The Himalayas now had one less mountain, and Everest would be forever unrivaled. 

Clark landed outside a field of sunflowers that had been killed by the effects of the weather machine. His stomach roiled and lurched in a way that he had only experienced when effected by green Kryptonite. But he knew this had nothing to do with any meteor-rocks. For the first time ever in his life, the seemingly impossible happened. Superman felt sick to his stomach. The bile from his stomach surged up into his throat and shot out of his mouth with projectile force onto the ground. It spilled out in two or three surges that left Clark thoroughly disoriented. He knew his world just wasn't the same place anymore. As devastated as he felt, he could tell no one about what had really happened. He would just have to go back to the Fortress of Solitude until he came to his senses and could be Superman again. 

* * *

"And that's what happened," Clark finally said to Diana as the Amazon princess looked on with rapt fascination. 

After an awkward silence, Diana said, "You've just convinced me that I'm a bit harsh about men, sometimes. You really do have a heart of gold, Clark." 

"So when I came back here," Clark continued, "I thought I would just snap out of it and everything would be just spiffy. But it didn't take me long to realize my Fortress of Solitude had become a Fortress of Purgatory." 

"Yep," Diana agreed. "You just kept telling yourself, 'Be Superman, be Superman, be Superman, be Superman, damn you!' thinking that the mythos the public had created around you would save you from what you had to face. But it only made it all much, much worse, didn't it?" 

Tears again flowed silently from Clark's soft, blue eyes. "I just didn't know what to feel, only what I SHOULD feel. And I kept thinking that maybe it was my fault, maybe I could have saved Lex all those years ago had I not been so naive and realized how much help he needed!" 

Diana took Clark's chin in her hand and looked him squarely in the eye. "Clark, Lex Luthor made his choices and reaped the consequences of those choices. It had nothing to do with any of it being your fault. I know metaphysics is something of which you have precious little understanding, but let me tell you what the teachings of the Amazons say. We humans reincarnate here or on other planets again and again until we are able to get it right. Lex's next incarnation might be very, very difficult, but not because the Goddess of the Moon is inflicting any punishment. It's because he will have to learn why who he was and what he did was wrong. And he will get as many chances as he needs to learn that. He'll be alright, Clark. So will you. So will I. So will we all." 

"I hope you're right, Diana. And thanks for listening. I owe you big." Clark and Diana then embraced, not in sexual passion, but as would a brother and sister who were comforting one another after an extraordinary tragedy had struck one of them. Eventually, Clark fell asleep. Diana concluded that Clark probably hadn't had a good night's sleep since arriving back at his Fortress. She got up and positioned Clark so that he was lying down on his couch. She looked at Clark's sleeping face and reflected the mixture of peace and sorrow on her friend's features as he dealt with whatever dreams would help him through his crisis. And once he had dealt with it, Superman would be back again to keep the world safe. 

**[ANY AND ALL FEEDBACK APPRECIATED, AS ALWAYS.]**


End file.
